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Five non-apology apologies left on windshields
We are not licensed psychologists or police profilers, but we sense that these note-writers are not in actual fact sorry. (Via Happy Place, where there are even MORE hostile notes not containing the...
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You must let me apologize
The Arcata Eye, the newspaper of Arcata, California, has the best Police Log there is. In the tradition of of the lively newspapers of the Old West, editor Kevin Hoover translates simple facts into...
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On rooting for nobody in the Superbowl
You’re cute now, but if you turn out to be gay a 49er won’t want to play with you. REALLY, 49ers? REALLY?? On Tuesday night, San Francisco 49ers player Chris Culliver told radio host Artie Lange that...
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Sorry you had to hear about this
Wouldn’t you think mayors and tourism secretaries in a famous destination resort would be good with words? Isn’t part of their job to issue public statements without arousing public fury? Without...
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Pity is not an apology. Try again.
The Magdalene asylums, or Magdalene Laundries, were institutions in Ireland and elsewhere, where women were committed and forced to work unpaid, on the theory that it would reform their foul sexy...
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Tainted Dov
As Daily Show Purim Correspondent Jessica Williams said, it was a low down, dirty shondeh. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily...
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When an apology isn’t enough for me
Christopher Dorner, crazy renegade ex-LAPD officer armed to the teeth, went on a killing spree that ended with his death in a burning cabin. Seeking revenge, he was targeting police officers and their...
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Ugly images
Nothing makes me madder than when I find other people hanging their choice of artwork in my personal office. They don’t know what I like! Even if my aides picked it out, they don’t know what I like!...
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Putting down the putter-downer
A British politician has resigned after causing an outcry by saying “Disabled children cost the council too much money and should be put down.” Councillor (that’s City Council Member to you Amurricans)...
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Oh, this pendant I’m wearing? Yeah, no, that’s a good question.
A kid who was convicted of grand theft for taking jewelry is under court order to apologize – even though he says he’s not sorry, because he didn’t do it. It has been ruled that his apology need not...
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Worst & best apologies
Worst apology from a Ghastly Yoga Class: I’m sorry you had issues with our studio. The tough thing about military service isn’t compulsory yoga, it’s compulsory photo sessions during yoga. Best Apology...
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I will sleep with rats if I get an apology. If not, I will sleep with rats,...
Travelers who stayed at the Ottawa Jail Hostel in March 2013 woke up when a noise from the trash bin turned out to be a rat. The rat couldn’t get out because of a slippery plastic bag lining the bin....
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What anatomical word shall we use to denote this guy?
They were fighting about gun regulations in the New Hampshire House of Representatives, specifically about a modified “Stand Your Ground” bill, HB 135. Republican Rep. Steve Vaillancourt got up on his...
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Does this apology make my ass look insincere?
The Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation seems to be in a panicky self-destructive spiral. They shot themselves in the foot last year with their defunding of Planned Parenthood, and dishonest...
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The king’s apology and the queen’s apology
Start with the fragile, elephant-shooting king. Add an angry queen, a princess accused of embezzlement, the king’s golden-haired friend (also a princess), charges of usurpation (usurpury?), an...
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Undiplomatic
Proceso Flordeliz Jr., a citizen of the Philippines living in Edmonton, needed to renew his passport. He went to a special consular outreach event in Red Deer, Alberta. There he had some unhappy...
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An enemy’s insincere apology
Suppose an enemy apologizes. Not because they’re sorry, but because you’ve threatened legal action, and they’re pretty sure they’d lose. They still hate you. You still hate them. What good is an...
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O, LEGO!
A week or so ago, awesome dad Josh Stearns wanted to buy some LEGO-branded, construction-themed stickers for his son. But Stearns (who lives in Northampton, MA, so I should probably use the honorific...
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I apologize to me
A Sydney Morning Herald story excellently begins: As the P&O cruise ship Aurora neared Circular Quay in [February 2012], a British national sent a message to a mysterious Sydney man named David...
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That man has no panties
Earlier this month, an official visit to Washington, D.C. by South Korean president Park Geun-hye was going rather well. Which was gratifying, in light of recent criticisms of Park’s administration,...
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